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Sluggers Game Summary
at State Street
June 22
Street Sweepers
Sluggers sweep Capitalist Pigs with 16-7 win
--BOSTON, June 22, 2004
The last time these two teams met, just a week ago, the Sluggers never trailed in that game and they emerged with a 4-0 record. This week started off with a much different tone. The Sluggers were scheduled to play the Shriners Hospital Fez on Field 2, but the threat of rain and facing the league's only undefeated team scared most of the Fez back into their little cars. The Fez were ready to forfeit. In an odd titty twister of events, the MDC Mad Cows were preparing to forfeit against State Street. The commissioner, not wanting to forfeit a game, thought quickly, and re-wrote the schedule so that the Sluggers and State Street could finish their two-game home-and-away series early.
The Capitalist Pigs were determined to make sure this game didn't finish like last week's. Both teams came out swinging the sticks so hard that the first inning looked like a scene from "Braveheart". The Sluggers put up a 5 spot in the first before making their second out of the game. State Street answered with four runs of their own. The Capitalist Pigs added two more in the second inning to give themselves the first lead they've had against the Sluggers this season. That lead would prove to be short-lived as the Sluggers tied it up in the third frame on a sacrifice fly by BASH (Bald Ass Stan Hunting), who scored Will "The Natural" Jamieson, who had doubled earlier in the inning. The Sluggers took a lead that they would never relinquish in the fourth inning, and then piled on four more runs in the fifth and two more in the sixth. All the while, the clean Sluggers' defense and dominant pitching by Brian "Wightman Can't Jump" held State Street to just one run between the third and seventh innings.
"This was
one of the more confusing pre-games in Slugger history," said Sluggers coach, Ted "Ballgame" Johnson during the post-game press conference. "Yet,
we remained unphased by the sudden turn of events."
Offensive Play of the Game
Tonight's Offensive Play of the Game occurred in the bottom of the fourth inning when George "The Hit Man" Hart hit a two-run single to drive in the winning run.
Other Offensive Highlights
Ben "Kenobi" Hardigg led off the game with a solo home run in the Sluggers' first at-bat of the day again. He is only 79 shy of Ricky Henderson's record for leadoff home runs. He is on pace to catch Chuck Knoblauch in that category this season.
BASH (Bald Ass Stan Hunting) hit a two-run job in the sixth inning, giving the Sluggers the final 16-7 lead.
Dan "Dinger" Landesman showed no signs of jetlag from his return flight from Fiji, where he was rumored to be during last week's game. Dinger hit a three-run homer in the first inning, giving the Sluggers a 3-0 lead.
Defensive Play of the Game
This week's Defensive Play of the Game was performed by Ben "Kenobi" Hardigg, who was filling in for Will "The Natural" Jamieson at shortstop. Jamieson was sent back to his original position of left field because the Sluggers were missing this year's starting left fielder, Kevin "Mordecai" McKeon. See the Rumor Mill below for more on McKeon. In the first inning with a runner on first and four runs already in, Hardigg fielded a grounder, ran to second for an unassisted putout, and threw to first baseman, George "The Hit Man" Hart to complete the double play.
Stats from the Maniacal One
Here are this week’s off-beat
stats from the Maniacal One:
- Nice Hat Trick: The Capitalist Pigs were set down in order in the third, fourth, and sixth innings, tying the record for most 1-2-3 innings in a game by the Sluggers' defense.
- Don't Leave Me: The Sluggers left six runners on base; State Street left four runners
on base, one in each inning in which they did not sit down in order.
- Early Retirement: From the second through the fifth innings, Wightman retired eight State Streeters in a row. He nearly matched that feat when he retired six in a row from the fifth through the seventh innings.
Perfection
The following Sluggers batted 1.000 on the day:
Player of the Week
Brian "Wightman Can't Jump" earned Player of the Week honors mostly with his stellar pitching performance. After struggling in the first inning, in which he gave up five hits and four runs, Wightman settled down and only allowed five more hits and three more earned runs in seven complete innings pitched. Dominance? Wightman only allowed two hits in the last five innings of this contest. That is dominance. He walked none and gave up just one home run. At the plate, Wightman went 2 for 4 with a double, an RBI, and a run scored.
See Wightman's Player of the Week stats and photo here.
In the Running
Ben "Kenobi" Hardigg went 3 for 5, with a double, two HRs, 3 RBI, and 3 runs. Playing shortstop, he recorded 3 putouts and 4 assists.
Injury Report
Tony "Former Skip" Vinciguerra (shin) took a line drive by the left-handed batter, "Edison T-Shirt" (as the official scorer called him) off of his left shin while playing his first game at second base last week. Vinciguerra played through the injury this week, and he plans to play again next week.
Teddy "Ballgame" Johnson (wrist) sprained his wrist in tonight's contest. He may be able to field, but cannot bat. Team physician, Craig "Trump Card" Trumm is treating Johnson with a shot of Marcaine, a numbing agent, every 15 minutes or until Johnson's insurance company catches on to the fraud.
The
Rumor Mill
Hearing his name mentioned in trade rumors has become an annual rite of passage for Sluggers' long relief man and spot starter Noah "n$" Cushing. It happened every year during his seven-plus seasons with the Missoula Osprey. "The Osprey were a good fit for me," Cushing said during his post-game body wax. "But I get the feeling that my teammates didn't like me that much. I got used to the trade talks. Eventually, the Sluggers sent Isaac ("Pudge" Taylor) to the Osprey for me and two players to be named later." Those players ended up being Adam "Plant The" Seidman and Kevin "Mordecai" McKeon. The current rumors have the Sluggers swapping Cushing for State Street's "Aqua Girl" (as the official scorer called her). Aqua Girl went 1-2 in last night's contest.
Speaking of Kevin "Mordecai" McKeon, he is rumored to have missed tonight's game because he returned to the Dominican Republic and contemplated voiding his contract, which may explain why he wasn't in left field last night and why he is selling his $1.7 million mansion in Winchester with several nude statues.
Quotes of the Week
- "It's as if Will never left his spot in leftfield."--Teddy "Ballgame" Johnson, Sluggers coach, admiring Jamieson's return to his old stomping grounds
- "Lou Brock was a great lead-off hitter, but today I am the greatest."--Sluggers short fielder, Ben "Kenobi" Hardigg during his post-game Guatemalan massage
- "Syphilis might be the only thing I hate more than forfeits."--George "The Hit Man" Hart, Sluggers first baseman, discussing his latest visit to the Orient
Next Game
The Sluggers head back home as they take on the AOL Conglomerates next Tuesday, June 29 on Field 1. Any fan wearing
"Buy This Out" underwear gets a 1,045-hour free trial for of beer 45 days at the Red Hat after the game.
Batting Summary
| Linescore | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | | R | H | E | | Sluggers |
5 |
0 |
1 |
4 |
4 |
2 | 0 | |
16 |
22 |
1 | | State Street |
4 |
2 |
0 |
0 |
1 |
0 | 0 | |
7 |
10 |
3 |
Pitching Summary
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Sluggers
